Understanding Domestic Abuse

  Taking Care of Yourself

Ideals of a healthy family
Develop a safety plan.
Rebuild your financial future.

Develop a safety plan

If you live with the abuser
If you do not live with the abuser
If you are thinking about leaving your abuser
In the workplace

 

If you live with the abuser

• Determine a safe place to go if an argument occurs. Avoid rooms with no exits (bathrooms) or rooms with weapons (kitchen). If you need to flee your home, determine escape routes from various rooms in advance.
• Make a list of safe people to contact.
• Keep money with you at all times.
• Memorize important phone numbers.
• Establish a "code word" or "sign" so that family, friends, neighbors, teachers or co–workers know when to call for help.
• Think about what you will say to your partner if he or she becomes violent.

Ask yourself:

• What works best to keep me safe in an emergency?
• Who can I call in a crisis?
• Should I call the police if the violence starts again?
• If I need to flee temporarily, where will I go? (Think though several places where you can go in a crisis. Write down the addresses and phone numbers, and keep them with you.)

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If you do not live with the abuser

• Change locks on doors and window.
• Change your phone number.
• Screen telephone calls.
• Install a security system and better lighting.
• Teach the children to call the police or family and friends if there is a problem.
• Talk to schools and childcare providers about who has permission to pick up the children.
• Find a lawyer knowledgeable about family abuse to explore custody, visitation and divorce provisions that protect you and your children.
• Obtain a restraining order.
• Save and document all contacts, messages, injuries or other incidents involving the batterer.
• Change locks, if the batterer has a key.
• Avoid staying alone.
• Plan how to get away if confronted by an abusive partner.
• If you have to meet your abuser, do it in a public place.
• Vary your routine.

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If you are thinking about leaving your abuser

Have the following available in case you have to flee:

• Birth certificate and Social Security cards for you and your children
• Marriage and driver’s licenses
• Checkbook, bank account numbers, ATM cards and charge account numbers
• Charge cards
• Insurance policy information
• Proof of income for you and your spouse (pay stubs or W–2s)
• Documentation of past incidents of abuse (photos, police reports, medical records, etc.)
• Car title
• Lease or mortgage papers
• Passports
• School and health records
• Welfare and immigration documents
• Divorce or other court documents
• Money
• An extra set of keys
• Medications and prescriptions
• Phone numbers and addresses of family, friends, doctors, lawyers and community agencies

Ask yourself:

• How and when can I most safely leave? Where will I go?
• Am I comfortable calling the police if I need them?
• Who can I trust to tell that I am leaving?
• How will I travel safely to and from work or school or to pick up children?
• What community and legal resources will help me feel safer? (Write down their addresses and phone numbers, and keep them handy.)
• Do I know the number of the local shelter?
• What custody and visitation provisions will keep me and my children safe?
• Is a restraining order a viable option?

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In the workplace*

If you are a victim of domestic violence, here are some precautions you can take to increase your safety at the workplace:

• Save any threatening e–mail or voice–mail messages. These can potentially be used for future legal action, or can serve as evidence that an existing restraining order was violated.
• Ask your supervisor about the possibility of getting priority parking near the building.
• Have your calls screened, transferring harassing calls to security – or have your name removed from automated phone directories.
• Ask to have your workspace relocated to a more secure area or another site.
• Obtain a restraining order that includes the workplace, and keep a copy on hand at all times. You may want to consider providing a copy to the police, your supervisor, security, or human resources.
• Provide a picture of the perpetrator to reception areas and/or security.
• Identify an emergency contact person if your employer is unable to reach you.
• Ask security to escort you to and from your vehicle or public transportation.
• Have your paychecks delivered to another location.
• Make sure you know about your employer’s workplace violence policy and how to report any incident. Pay attention to the specifics of the policy – does it include threats over the telephone? Does it include non–employees as well as employees? Is there a specific telephone number to call?
• Tell your supervisor anything the company could do to make you feel more safe. Remember, you know the perpetrator better than anyone else.

*Reprinted with permission from the Corporate Alliance to End Partner Violence

 

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